The Big Fall

I was locked out of the house on Tuesday. I had traded cars with T so I had her car keys and for some reason didn’t realize I didn’t have my own set of keys with my house key. I went to Costco and when I arrived home, I realized I didn’t have my keys…or my garage door opener, which was in my car, which T had. I jumped out of the car, leaving the car door open and the trunk open and ran aimlessly around the house checking all the doors in the front of the house…none of them open. Then I proceeded to check the locks on the gates to the backyard…nope, not open. Dave has this place locked up like a fortress. OK, so there is a chair with a plant on it in the front entryway to the house. I place that next to the gate to the backyard. Then I pulled my neighbor’s trashcan over to the gate. Next, I manage to hoist my chubby body up and somehow manage to swing my leg over so that I can stand on top of our own trashcan, which is just inside the gate. Good! Now, I am standing on top of the trashcan, which is about 4’ tall. I think, I’ll just hold onto the gate and drop down to the ground on to my feet and bounce back up to a standing position. Hmmmm! Needless to say, my short little plump body didn’t like that idea. It all happened so fast. When I jumped down to the ground, I landed on my feet all right…and then just kept right on going. The hand that was holding the gate was literally ripped off the gate completely bruising and scraping the skin off, not to mention tearing my nails to the quick. Thankfully, I landed on the largest, softest part of my body…my big butt, so no broken bones. Somehow, my other hand got in the mix…I think under my butt, and is quite bruised. I sat there for a minute and assessed the damage, thinking jeez what an idiot! Yep, you think the story is over…nope!

I spent about 10 minutes trying to get into the house from the backyard…again, total lockdown. Now I’m thinking I’ll try to go back over the fence, drive to where Taylor works and get her house key or the garage door opener. Right! I start piling things up in front of the gate to stand on so I can climb back over and easily set myself down on the chair that is still there. Problem is that I’m hurt from my fall and just a bit shell shocked from the jolt to my body. I can’t seem to gather the strength to hoist myself back up onto the gate to swing my leg over blab blab blab… Needless to say, I’m hanging over the gate looking at the car with the door and trunk wide open, my purse sitting in the front seat, wondering if the battery is going to go dead while I’m stuck in my backyard.

Right about that time, I see the mailman and start yelling at him. He’s looking at me like what is wrong with this crazy old lady. “Mr. Mailman, I’m stuck in the backyard. Will you please close my doors and my trunk so my battery won’t go dead?” Thankfully, he was kind of in the zone so he just closed the doors and kept on going…never asked a single question.

Thank you God, I had my phone in my pocket. I text T and asked her to come and rescue me. We texted back and forth and we both had a good laugh. I had about an hour to kill because I had to wait for her lunch break. So naturally, I did what any resourceful girl would do in a situation like this, I thanked God for helping me get through this ordeal, took off all my clothes, got in my comfy chaise, laid in the sun and tanned myself while I waited.

When D got home and I told him what happened, he was completely horrified and wondering, as I’m sure you are, why I didn’t call him. He reminded me that I’m 55 years old and could have broken a hip…Oh, thank you for that m’love! My hands and butt aren’t battered enough…now I have to be reminded that I’m too old to even try to solve my own problems. Well, I guess I won’t be trying that trick again. Besides, now I know that Mr. Paranoid has us living in a bastion. I’m thinking it’s time for a hide-a-key thingy.

I hope you’re having a great Thursday and I hope you’ll go right out and make yourself an extra key.